no Inglés?

     For the past couple of years people have been telling high school students that they should learn Spanish, because there is becoming a large portion of Spanish speaking people in America. As a high schooler, I didn't care. I wasn't about to try and learn Spanish. I mean I could barley speak English correct. I speak more "Americanuese" (American-ease). Kansas has a pretty standard American dialect. Although every once in a while an Oklahoman "Ol" (oil) or an "Y'all" from my mom's side will slip out. Then there is the Arkansas Hillbilly words like "aintcha" or "ain't"that slip our from my dad's side. (My mom always said "ain't" wasn't a word, but I don't believe her. That word is awesome and frequently used in our house.) And then there are those few Kansas pronunciated words of State landmarks, such as the "OUR-Kansas" river. Even though we might use strange words we DO NOT have accents! Kansans do not have accents. Just so you know. (I mean when I go down south or I'm on the phone I tend to get a little twangy but I mean who can blame me. That Southern accent is catchy! And besides, "When in Rome do as the Romans." No matter what I always go back to the good old non-accent Kansas speech. But that is all beside the point.)
     It was a typical Monday morning. I walked into my office and through my purse in a draw, turned on the heater and sat down my coffee mug. I turned on my computer and then turned to my phone to see the flashing red light, letting me know I had a message. Grabbing my notepad and a pen, I pushed the button and listened as a gentleman gave me his number very very fast. It took my like three times of listening to it before I could get the number right. As soon as Jamie came into the office I asked for the information the man needed and she handed me a flyer. Flyer in hand, I picked up the phone and dialed the number.
   I have gotten used to calling people, well for the most part. As soon as a man came on the line I opened as I always do with, "Hello? This is Jacque from Camp Gilead returning a call?" The problem was that the man began to speak and I couldn't understand. Suddenly I froze! HE SPEAKS SPANISH!!! I CAN"T SPEAK SPANISH!!! WHAT DO I DO!

"Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing." – Robert Benchley

 I put my hand over the phone and turned my office chair to Jamie behind me. With my eyes as big as bowling balls I said, "He speaks Spanish." A moment of awkward silence as passed as my insides did an acrobatic act making me nauseous. Suddenly I heard a humming sound come from the phone and knew he had hung up. I hung up my receiver and a slight relief that it was over came over me, until I realized I hadn't been able to return the message of whoever called me and that meant I would have to call again!
     I put it off for as long as I could but eventually I could put it off no longer. I had to get a hold of the right person. They wanted to come to our dodgeball tournament, and we want them to come. So, I mustered all the courage I could, picked up the phone and dialed the number one more time. The same man answered the phone. Calm down J. Think. 

"¿Habla usted español" the man asked. 

"No."

"Oh, no Inglés." 

A slight pause as if both of us were trying to decided what to do next. I turn to Jamie. "Just say 'habla usted Inglés?" I looked at her with confusing. "What does that mean?" She looked at me and said, "It means do you speak english?" Well that isn't going to help since he already told me he doesn't speak English. Not to mention I don't know the guys name that I am looking for! I couldn't understand it on the message! So I did the next best thing.

"Someone called about Kickball/Dosgeball tournament?" I thought maybe he would recognize a word. 

"uhh..sorry. Not speak English well." 

"Is there anyone there who speaks English?"

"No." 

"I must have the wrong number. Sorry." 

"Oh, Ok."

I hung up the phone and turned to Jamie. "I don't think that was the right phone number." Maybe I should have taken some spanish classes in high school...........