Wednesday, March 27, 2013

No Shirt, NO SHOES, No Service

     I have an obsession. Rearranging disorder it might be called. I really can't remember when I came down with it. I have had this problem ever since I can remember. It would hit me about every six weeks. I suddenly got it in my head that I wanted to clean/rearrange my room. It took me a whole day, maybe two. I would dust, vacuum, get rid of junk, clean out all my draws and then rearrange my furniture into an entirely different setting. I am pretty sure I have had my furniture in every possible arrangement! I've even had my bed jutting out of my closet! But, hey it symbolized a new start. It helped with the itch I so often came down with. Not a bug bite itch but an itch to change, to move to do something new and exciting. I couldn't drive, I wasn't really into changing my hair soooo, I changed my room.
     Unfortunately I haven't outgrown this problem. On the eve of my vacation it hit me again. probably cause my house was so messy. So, I spent the evening doing laundry, cleaning, rearranging and packing. It was a nice relaxing evening. I know it sounds a little weird but those times I would lock myself in my room to rearrange became a quiet, secluded time for me. None of my family helped, I wouldn't let them. It was ME time, and this night was like all the others. I simply enjoyed some ME time.
After moving my couch and my bed, washing all my dishes (except my coffee filter apparently), and emptying all the trash cans I was ready to go pick up the laundry I had put in. Unfortunately the washer and dryer in not in my house, or near it. I have to walk across the street to the lodge. Not to mention the dumpster where my trash goes is all the way across campus. I have no problems with walking but I wasn't in the mood this night. I am just driving around Camp so I hop in my car with the bare minimum: the trash bag, my keys and fortunately my wallet this time. This Kansas bumpkin doesn't like shoes. So, off I went.
By this time it was about 8, and I realized I was hungry. Easy enough, I'll go to the truck stop, run through the Arby's drive through and yum. Then I looked down at my gas gauge. Mmmm...I better fill up while I am there. Don't want to have to do it at 4 in the morning. So, I picked up my laundry, dropped off the trash and headed off campus. Just a few minutes away and I reached the truck stop. I thought I better get gas first then my food so it will be hot when I get home. Brilliant thinking really. I pull into a pump, unlock my gas lid thingy migiger.....I'm not really sure what its called, and grab my debit card. I open the door and am about to step out when I suddenly realized what I have done. OH RAT POOH!! I left without any shoes!! Its fine, dirty but fine. Just get the gas and lets go. I swipe my card and it asks me for my zip code. Seems easy enough but after moving several times it takes me a minute to remember. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. "Your zip code is invalid." WHAT!! Seriously! Ok try again. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. "Denied" MY CARD DENIED! I have never been denied in my life! Ughh..I just have to go in and fix it. I look at the shining lights from inside the gas station and then down at my feet. *Sigh* No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service. 

     Great, now what? I stand there for a second plotting my next move, and I came up with a brilliant idea. I'll just got to the gas station across the street. They don't ask for my zip code.But they did. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. "Please enter your zip code." But, I just did! Ughh... Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. "Please enter your zip code" Oh forget this!! I hop in my car and do what I should have done to begin with. Go get some shoes!!!!

The Moral of the story: Always, ALWAYS keep a pair of flip-flops in the car. ALWAYS!

Friday, March 22, 2013

"Morning Joe, Pass the Cup."

     I believe coffee keeps ones sanity. It's like a drug really. A comfort food, an addiction. Whatever it is to mankind, it is definitely delicious, especially in the morning hours. I must say its nice to wake up to the smell of brewing coffee. It just seems to make the morning brighter.
     The other morning I woke up to the smell of fresh rain. Slowly throwing off my many fluffy comforters, I rubbed my eyes and firmly planted my feet on the ground. I thought wouldn't it be nice to have a nice shower, and slip into my favorite jeans. After pulling back my hair and throwing on some makeup, I would pushed my glasses upon my nose. Yes, I always over think every step of my morning like that as I lay in bed. Don't judge!
     But before all of that first things first, coffee! So I stumbled into the kitchen to make some coffee. I hadn't made coffee in a while. Simply because I hadn't been home. I grabbed the coffee from the cabinet and opened the up the coffee maker, HEAVENS TO BETSY!!!! I had told myself to clean that out before I left, but apparently I hadn't! Now what greeted me was a coffee strainer full of molded coffee. Since I had a strainer I didn't bother to buy coffee filters. So, now what.......



"To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions." -Hugh Jackman 

     At this point, what I SHOULD have done was dump out the strainer with a sigh, put it in the sink to bleach later and gone to take a shower. I should have gotten ready for work and made coffee in the office. (Which by the way I have the capability of doing). But, then again that was what I SHOULD have done. Little known fact about me, I'm stubborn. I get an idea in my head and I become determined.
     People praise creativity. I mean look at Pintrest, a huge place for people to glean ingenuity and creativity off each other. People look up to crafters and say they have talent, they are so artsy. The truth of the matter is most of it is born in the time of desperation. Yep, Ingenuity is born by desperation!  So, in my determined desperate mind I began to scoure the house. I opened every draw and cabinate in the place! (Which really isn't a whole lot in my tiny house.) I knew I had nothing but it didn't stop me. Ya, by now I could have been showered and drinking the coffee I made in the office but who cares. I want to have coffee here and now!! So, I searched, and searched, and searched.
    Paper Towel? No, holds all the water and last time I tried it tasted funny. (Yes, I have tried it.....its another long story. Just take my word on it.) Plastic Bag? No, it would hold all the water. Maybe if I poke holes in it......No, no that wouldn't work. Oh, lightbulb!! I think I have a strainer in here somewhere. Maybe all I have to do is heat up the water, put the coffee in the strainer over my cup, pour water and Wala!! First matter, find the strainer. I threw open the one draw in the Kitchen, (ok I exaggerated a little) plow through it and, YES a strainer! Test it over the sink and...coffee grinds everywhere. Rats!
     I'm getting more and more desperate as the time ticks away. If I don't hurry I'll have to skip the shower all together. And then, it hit me!! Of course, it was genius! Fabric!!!! I have plenty of scraps somewhere in the house. So I dug through my scraps and found the perfect piece. I stuffed it in the coffee maker, added coffee, water and turned the baby on. Within minutes I had a freshly brewed cup of coffee, just like the cowboys would have done.

Like I said: INGENUITY IS BORN OF DESPERATION!

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Bugged by Bugs?

     Bugs. I am almost positive that every woman has asked herself why Noah's wife didn't throw them overboard or stomp them out of existence. As for me, I'm not particularly as terrified of them as most. I was the kid who had warts from kissing all those toads I used to catch. I would often save my cousins from a terrifying creature and stomp on them most fiercely, or possible catch them and antagonize all the girls. I've caught lizards, grasshoppers, and rolly pollies. Basically I'm not scared of bugs. As a Kansas girl with three brothers you really can't be. Then again, there aren't that many bugs in the Kansas bug enclopedia. I mean ants are ants, good old fashioned red ants that march in a line and steal your picnic food. That is what I though until the tender age of eight. Lets just say laying down on that creek bank to catch craw-dads wasn't the greatest idea ever. You know the phrase "ants in your pants?" Ya that became a reality. And then an embarrassment as granny had to strip me down and hose me off, all while my cousins stood laughing at my demise. So from then on there were two ants in my vernacular, the regular picnic ant and the dreaded fire ant. But nothing prepared me for this strange state called Florida. 

"Richard doesn't really like me to kill bugs, but sometimes I can't help it." -Cindy Crawford





     At first I thought "Well, its camp and bugs are to be expected." Ya, I think the bugs down here take advantage of that! I have seen bugs I have never even heard the likes of!! They say in Texas everything is bigger. Well, I think Florida can challenge Texas in the BUG department. Bugs that shouldn't fly, fly. Bugs that should be small, are HUGE! and they are everywhere!! In Kansas if you roll in the grass you might get chiggers but here if you take one step you will more than likely get bitten by an ant. I am pretty sure bugs come here to retire. But, I'm still brave. Bugs don't bother me much. I can survive...............
     It started with a little ant. The ant wasn't in the kitchen looking for my food but rather in my shower! "Well, at least its only one." I thought. Then there were more. "At least they are not in my kitchen." I said. But, then they were in my kitchen. I looked around me house and found some Raid. "At least I have raid." I thought. Finally I had conquered the ants.
     Strangely enough I kept finding more bugs around the house. A moth would be stuck in my curtains! A spider would be building a web in the corner, a lizard was behind my couch, a cockroach was found in my kitchen sink, and a frog would be perched on my door. They seemed to just keep coming!! But I bore it. I silently killed them and lived through each situation, UNTIL.......
     I had just come home from a great but short vacation. I
was quietly relaxing in my bed, playing Clash of Clans on my iPad, when i felt something run across me! I jolted and caught a glimpse of the opponent. It moved fast but not fast enough, as I clubbed it with the first thing I could get into my hand, which happened to be my phone. It was silky, like a moth. It had an almond shape like a cockroach and it was silver. My nerves were on edge but it was over, that THING was dead. So, I relaxed, or tried to, and went back to my game. Minutes later it happened again!!!! This time I jumped from my bed! I didn't get to kill it, which means it was still out there. My skin was crawling and I was freaking out. There is only one thing to do in such a situation. CALL MOM!!!!
     A groggy, sleepy voice answered from the other side of the phone. "Hello?"  Now mom's are suppose to be compassionate, helping their daughters in the time of need. They are suppose to be wise, giving their daughter advice when called upon and they are suppose to have the old wives tales up their sleeves to dish out at just such a time. But instead I got laughter, scolding for being so emotional and told to go back to bed. WHAT?!?!?!?! When I did ask for some old wives tale to save me from silverfish, she jokingly told me to drink chamomile tea and then go to bed. Ya, mom I can see right through that one!! *SIGH*
     So, next time you find yourself in a horrible bug situation, don't call your mom, just go sleep on the couch.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Herald, Harold!

     At first you would think I live an ordinary life, a boring one in fact. I live far from my family, I tend to go bed early like an old lady, there aren't to many movies I just have to see, and shopping...well I have to be in the mood. An ordinary life is what I should have. Simple should be my theme word. But, for some odd reason it never works out that way.....


     My days in the office often seem all the same. I wake up, I drink some coffee, I go to prayer. I go to the office, I turn on the heater and some music. I work, I talk, I laugh and I answer the phone. Amidst all this, at some point I realize I'm famished. It just so happened that on this day the realization hit me sooner than later.

"Subdue your appetites, my dears, and you've conquered human nature." -Charles Dickens
     As it so happened I had hankering for some good old fashioned southern food. The kind you find in a small town diner. You know the one, no one is stranger and the waitress always calls you "honey". Well It just so happens that the tiny town in which God has placed me, has such a joint. Country Angles its called. Although eating at a restaurant by myself is not necessarily my favorite activity, desperate times call for desperate measures. So, I went to lunch.
      Awe if only that was it. Lunch, an easy five letter word which simply means a mid-afternoon meal. Except of course that day. It would happen to be rush hour for the little diner when I arrived. Not only is it awkward enough walking into a diner alone but to walk in and desperately search for a table for one? Let's just say God is continually working on a little thing called my pride.
It just so happened that all the tables were either occupied or dirty. As I stood in front of a table insecurely pondering as to where to sit and how to grab the waitresses attention so she would clean a table, a strange voice came from behind me.
     "You can sit with me." I turned to find an older gentleman (by old I mean slightly older than my parents) sitting at a table.
     "The guy who was joining me bailed." At this point any normal 21 year old girl would have kindly said "That is fine but I will sit over there." Unfortunately, I am not a NORMAL girl in the least. Which will easily be proven. So I sat. And that was only the beginning to the most bizarre and strange lunch I have ever had.
"I think in the old days, the nexus of weirdness ran through Southern California, and to a degree New York City. I think it's changed so that every bizarre story in the country now has a Florida connection. I don't know why, except it must be some inversion of magnetic poles or something." 
 -Carl Hiaasen


     So, there I sat across an old man I had never before met, at an old country diner in the small town of Polk City FL. Heavens to Betsy what would my mother think!!! He introduced himself as Harold and shortly informed me that we would be joined by two others. I found myself enjoying the company of 3 Polk County water company workers for this afternoon meal. Harold and his two coworkers/friends, throughout the entirety of lunch often talked, with out good humor I might add, about a man whose name I honestly can't remember. Apparently I was taking this man's place and each party was glad of it. They joked, and teased and laughed often with each other. 
     Besides Harold there was Suki, (If I remember correctly) who worked in the billing department. She had two little kids and a good for nothing ex-boyfriend. They teased her about being from Bulgaria, (Which she wasn't) and not eating enough fish, which caused her not to be able to think correctly. In the business she had to deal with all those people who complain and apparently there are a lot! But she was sweet and spunky and took the good natured teasing from the others very well. Then there was a man slightly older than Harold who was known as the company redneck. As Harold said "He's the one who gets pulled on his golf cart by the police!" He had a scruffy beard and look like a hard worker. Harold and him both read the water meters and had the unpleasant job of turning people's water off. They politely asked me where I was from and what I did. I shared with them that I was an intern and Camp Gilead and wonder of all wonders they knew the place. I guess the company Redneck went to the camp when he was kid. To which Harold replied, "Well they have raised there standards since then." To which I couldn't help but chuckle. 
When my hunger was satisfied with a delicious hamburger, and the chatter seemed to slow, I decided it was time for me to leave. Just one problem.......there was only one check on the table. RATS!
     It's embarrassing to ask to split it. Why can't you just give me mine and I can silently slip out, pay for my meal and leave? So, I did what any respecting young girl would do, I simple asked where the check was, quietly. Hoping it would be scooted over to me and I could get this unpleasentry over with. However, that was not the case. Instead, Harold looked me straight int he eye and said, "I got it. You just go and have a good day." I have to admit, it wasn't such a bad day after all........STRANGE for absolute sure, but GOOD none the least. 

                          Such is my "SIMPLE" life