He is Worth it All

Today is Sunday. One of my favorite days of the week. I was especially excited about this Sunday. I was going to visit a new church. I had visited once before and I was excited to go again. I was going alone, which for some might not be enjoyable, but for me it is. It was going to be me and God and I was going to enjoy every minute of it. I needed refreshed. I needed to have life put back into perspective. I needed to remember why ministry is important and why I do what I do. I needed to be fed by the Word. Well, I had my idea of how that should go but as the Lord tells us through the prophet Isaiah, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the LORD." Our God knows exactly what we need and how to get that message across to us. 

I got up and put together the perfect outfit. I even called my sister to make sure I chose the perfect shoes. I snuggled on my cat and made a cup of coffee. I grabbed my Bible and headed towards church. As I was driving, I talked with God about my dilemma. I knew I was struggling. Struggling with the same thing I struggle with day in and day out. Some days are better than others. Really it is more like week by week. I was struggling with where he has put me and what he has called me to do. In the world's eyes I don't fit. I can hear some of you now trying to reassure me that I do fit but the truth is I don't and I shouldn't. A mid-western girl in her mid 20's should have met the love of her life in the 3rd grade, married right out of high school and had 2-3 kids by now. But that is not where I am at...not even close. I am by no means writing this post to whine about not being married and having a family. I don't really desire that. However, it does effect my life a lot. I don't know if I can explain it. It is honestly, mostly in my head. Needless to say it is a struggle to not desire the Pinterest life and dream about what I would make my life look like if I had the chance. What would my house look like? What would my wardrobe look like? How would people view me? What other titles would I hold? How would people look up to me? All of these things focus on myself and what I want. It has nothing to do with God or what he has in store. Not just for me...this has nothing to do with me but about his glory. I had gotten so caught up in myself this week that I had forgotten why I exists in the first place. It is for his glory, not my own. So I prayed what I knew I should pray. That God would open my eyes to his work and his plan and not my own. That I would be focused on the eternal and not the earthly. At this point, I had driven through the mountains and was on the outskirts of town when I saw a sight that immediately made my heart drop.

There she was in a brown tattered and torn uniform. She looked dirty, bent over by weight of who knows what. She carried a tattered black purse in one hand and two plastic bags in the other. I was going 50mph but I could see her. I saw her struggle along the side of the road and I knew. I immediately knew what God was telling me to do and I denied it. I kept driving as the Spirit tugged at my heart and wouldn't let me forget it. I thought, "There is too much traffic." then I prayed, "Lord what can I do?" I heard him loud and clear. "Turn around." 

"But Lord! That isn't safe!" I told him my dad wouldn't approve. I told him it was dangerous. I then told him that I would be late for church and I shouldn't forsake the assembly. I told him that by this time she probably won't be there. But he wouldn't leave me alone. 

Here I am, a missionary, teaching young men and women how to be a missionary, and I didn't have enough love to immediately stop and help. My excuses?? Did you read them? I realized how stupid they were when I began talking to the Lord about them. Dangerous? Really? That lady was bent over, older, ragged. Honestly, if she did try and over power you Jack, I think you could handle yourself. I mean you have been running, working out. Even if she did somehow over power you... If it was a life or death scenario... WHAT IS YOUR LIFE? 

"What is man, that you are mindful of him?" 

I had just asked God to tune me into his plan and his will. Here it was. And I didn't like it. I turned the car around. As I drove back to where I had seen her, I silently hoped she might be gone. MY HEART! Oh how desperately wicked it is. I was shaking as I pulled over beside her, parked my car and got out to greet her. I gazed into the face of a person. A person created in the image of God. She was beautiful. She was fearfully and wonderfully made. She needs Jesus. 

Yeah, I missed church this morning. I didn't get to give her the whole gospel message. I didn't get to hear her whole life story. I don't even know if I will ever see her again or if I made any impact at all. But that doesn't matter. God knows. It is his plan after all, not mine. 

I drove away from where I dropped her off, the smell of her still permeating my car. As I drove down the road my heart broke all over again. Ok, God. I got it. This is your world. This is your plan and it is all for your glory. Help me to continually think not about not my pinterest life, not my latest idea for my apartment but instead about others. Help me see the brokenness. Help me love people the way you love them. Lord here I am, SEND ME! Send me to the broken and hurting and lost. Send me to those who have struggles and problems and help me love them. 

You know God always has an amazing plan and he is so good at leading you right where he wants you if you surrender. I was thinking this great experience was to send me overseas, to go minister to the homeless, to do something crazy. Well, he may call me to do some of that but as I asked him to send me to the broken, to the ones that struggle, he quietly said, "look at your doorstep." I have 10 young men and women literally come to my doorstep every year. They may not be homeless on the street but they bring with them their insecurities, their struggles, their brokenness. Am I loving them? Am I loving them the way GOD LOVES THEM? 

God has sent me. The way he sends us and where he sends us is not always as romantic or exciting as we wish it to be. But he has sent us. He has sent us to the broken, to the dying, to the struggling, to the hurting. It may be someone on the side of the road. It may be an orphan. Or maybe it is the next door neighbor. Maybe it is that kids in Awana. Maybe it is a sibling, a cousin, a grandparent. It may be a number of different scenarios. BUT ARE WE FAITHFUL? Will we listen when the Spirit prompts us? Are we faithful in the little? Are we willing? Are we willing to go anywhere or stay anywhere? Are we willing to talk to anyone, care for anyone, love anyone? 

I often come to the place in my life where I say, "Here I am, Send me!" but often when I get the assignment I shrink back.... I should BODLY and FEARLESSLY serve my Lord no matter WHAT THE COST! Have you counted the cost? Have you given it to him? Are you willing to give it all for the cross? Not everyone is called to the jungles of Africa but we are all called to SACRIFICE. What is he asking you to give up? Guess what? HE IS WORTH IT!

Greater Communion with Him

SUMMER IS OVER! I seriously can't believe it. It was a whirlwind of traveling and adventure and service. Right after summer ended we launched right into the intern overseas mission trip. We had one week to debrief the whole summer with 10 interns and then turn around and prepare for our mission trip to Moldova..... SEVEN. WHOLE. DAYS. It was exciting to say the least. There are a lot of hilarious and amazing moments that maybe I'll blog about soon but something else is on my heart....

Here I am finally back home in the mountains of TN. I was sitting in my office one morning, two bibles lay open on my desk. My computer was open. There was a word document with scriptures and the internet where I was doing word studies. My headphones were plugged into my phone and my dad was on the other line. I love talking to my father; there is something special about it. I think God the Father designed it that way; maybe to show a picture of what it should be like with him. I know not everyone has the amazing relationship that I have with my dad. I'll be honest, I almost lost it. Which makes times like the one I'm describing even more precious. My dad and I aren't just alike in almost every way...I mean I even inherited his big feet...but we have double blood relation. Ok, that is a weird way to put it... but as I have said before, my dad always told me that blood was thicker than water, Christ's blood is thicker than blood, but the strongest bond of all is a double blood brother. You know, when they are your real brother or relative but they are also your brother/sister in Christ. Well, my dad and I are that. That is a pretty unbreakable bond.

Anyhooooooo... my dad and I are sitting there discussing scripture and somehow get onto the return of Christ. (Probably because its COMING SOON PEOPLE!!) In a moment of revelation I said to him, "There was a time, even a year ago that I dreaded the Lord's return, or I didn't want it to come anytime soon. But now, if he came right now, I honestly would be the happiest person in the world!" My dad's reply?

"It's because you're in greater communion with him." 

That phrase has been stuck in my head: "greater communion with him." What on earth does it mean to commune with God? I am so glad you asked because I did some research. :p

 "...And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ."- 1 John 1:3b

"God has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful." 1 Cor. 1:9

The Greek word for communion is κοινωνία. Look a little "Greek" to you? lol that was a bad joke....anyways let's use the transliteration shall we? The transliteration is: koinónia. When you start looking into this word it gets really cool. This is why I love word studies ya'll! It is used 19 times in the New Testament and is translated: Participation, Fellowship, Contribution, and Sharing. This word means fellowship, communion, association, community, and joint participation. It can also mean contact, fellowship, intimacy, in communication. 

When we think of fellowship we often thing of "hanging out" getting to know someone or chilling with someone we know, but it is so much more. To be in fellowship with the Father? This means first and foremost COMMUNICATION. How much are God and I communicating? This summer, compared to last summer? 10x more!! Why? One was because I dived into prayer. Prayer is so powerful. I know you hear that ALL the time as a believer. But if you have ever tasted it...truly tasted the power, the sweetness of prayer...well you know exactly what I am talking about. It literally opens up a whole new world. You are engaging in the spiritual warfare. Your eyes are open to the working and moving of the Holy Spirit. It is incredible! How can you not be closer to the Father when communicating, heavily communicating through prayer. 

PARTICIPATION. This is an interstesing word to find here isn't it? Fellowship, Intimacy, these things should come naturally right? You should just "FEEL" them if they are right. At least that is what our world tells us. But that is not the biblical model. We must participate. God is waiting; he has invited us to participate in fellowship with him. That is amazing! We have an invitation...what are we going to do? Look, can I be frank? I have been walking with God close to 20 years now. It hasn't been easy. It is not just a "feeling." It goes up and down sometimes and most of all, it TAKES WORK! I have to actively pursue my relationship with Christ. No, I'm not saying my salvation is based on anything I have done. I'm saved by the grace of God. We aren't talking about salvation here...we are talking about fellowshipping with our Savior! He is always ready to listen, he has given us his Word to read and he is working all around us. He has invited us to be a part of it, to participate, to fellowship. I don't always want to. Sometimes, I like doing my own thing. But, if I go off and do my own thing, then I am not in close fellowship with the Father. I may not be doing anything bad, but our relationship is not benefiting from it. We see this concept in imperfect human relationships....why would we assume that it should be different with our Savior? Did he not design relationships to show us, to show the world, himself?

Then we come to these two words: CONTRIBUTION and SHARING. Well obviously, we need to share our recourses and time with the Lord. I mean that is the go to christian answer. That is something that is true. However, I think it goes deeper than that. We are talking about being in communion with God; to be in an intimate relationship with him. Maybe I am crazy and don't know what I am talking about, but I don't think we get into a close relationship with someone by just saying "well, I will spend several hours talking to you and then spend 10% of what I earn on charities you like." I think more realistically, this is talking about being open and vulnerable with God. This sounds funny cause we all know that God knows everything but for some reason we still live like we can hide things from him. That we don't need to tell him things. That we can figure it out on our own. That we don't need to deal with it. All the while, he is begging us to open up to him; to come to him hurting and broken, overwhelmed by our sin. We can go to him. We can talk to him. We can lay it all on the altar. Share with him. Not just your time or talents. Share with him your burdens, your struggles, your sin, your brokenness. Watch him pick up the pieces. Watch him make a masterpiece. Watch him comfort you. Watch him fill all your loneliness and unworthiness with worth and purpose and love and peace. Bring it all before him. Lay it bare at his feet.

"O come to the altar. The Father's arms are open wide. Forgiveness was bought with the precious blood of Jesus Christ. Oh what a Savior. Isn't he wonderful? Sing alleluia, Christ is risen. Bow down before him for he is Lord of all. Sing alleluia, Christ is risen." -Oh Come to the Altar